Narutimate Misadventures
by Shino-Kun
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke clash, Kakashi goes on a beanie baby theft spree, Kiba becomes a binge drinker, and Rock Lee makes a MAJOR change! R
1. Chapter 1

I challenge you to a POKEMON BATTLE!" The blonde

boy with the stupid-ass lines on his face yelled.

The blue haired girly boy nodded. He pulled a red ball out

of his pants and threw it. "Gangstachu, I choose you!" A

dark rodent crawled out with an uzi and a pack of smokes.

"WUZZAP MUTHA'S?" It yelled.

"My turn," said the obviously, shall we say, special boy. "I

choose Michael Jackson!"

"NARUTO NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Who said that" said the voice of the pop star. Sasuke made

a run for it, but it was too late, Michael Jackson could smell

small boys miles away. "You look like you have a lot of

fun," He said to Sasuke.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Meanwhile, "Sakura, may I see that beanie baby?" Asked

Kakashi. She handed it to him. "Hmmmmmmmm, very

nice" he said.

"May I have it back now?" Sakura asked

"Have what back?" Kakashi asked as he stuffed it in his

Jounin vest. He laughed maniacally as he ran away only to

get hit by a truck driven by a HEAVILY drunk Kiba.

"OH MY GOD" Sakura screamed as she ran to Kakashi.

"Give me that," She added as she removed her beanie baby

from Kakashi's vest, then slapped him across his face.

Sasuke woke up after ours of pure terror. "Damn you

Naruto!" Sasuke muttered as he coughed up blood. Sasuke

made a few hand signs and yelled at the top of his

lungs,"Fire style, Fireball jutsu!"

However,his fingers were in the way when the fire was

unleashed," AAAAAAAAAAAAH IT BURNS!".


	2. Chapter 2

"So Kakashi, how's the injuries," asked Sasuke.

"I've been better" Kakashi claimed as he removed his shirt to show several large bruises, among other things.

"Sweet Jesus!" Sasuke screamed as he ran for his life.

"They always run." Kakashi said sadly.

Shikamaru shifted his purple pimp hat, as he walked by Ino. "Follow me ho," He snapped his fingers to get her to follow him.

"Yes, daddy Nara," Ino whimpered. She walked in line behind him. Orichimaru stood on the corner of a street, waiting. Shikamaru pointed to Ino and He shook his head and pointed at Konohamoru passing by. All of the blood left Shikamaru's face. "Hey, Konohamoru, want some CANDY?"

"YAAAAAAY"

Somewhere near a spandex store….. "Greetings Naruto," said Lee with his hand behind his back.

"Hey Lee," Naruto began to ask "Why is your hand behind your back?"

Lee said sadly, "Someone glued my hand to my ass……. AND I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT," He said as the song began to play.

END OF PART 2!


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm just walking, walking, walking," Naruto sang.

Itachi jumped out of a hot dog stand screaming "I will catch you!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Naruto asked him. Naruto made a run for it.

"You can run but you can't hide," Itachi muttered as he pulled out a …….CHOJI LAUNCHER!.

"BEEEEEF"

"Shut up Choji!"

"Yes master"

Several miles away….

"What do you mean you're giving up being a ninja." Gai yelled.

"I was never really much of a ninja anyway." Said Rock Lee. "Besides everyone was always gluing my hand to my ass, my face, and Jennifer Lopez." Neji, watching from a doorway laughed as he added glue to Rock Lee's hand wrappings. As he was walking out the door he saw Tenten and asked "Wanna go get something to throw at Rock Lee?"

"I can't," She replied, "I'm off to find my last name" Neji slooooowly backed away.

In a stadium…

" It's mine Ino Pig!"

"Sakura-chan, give it to me"

The 2 kunoichi were fighting over a lock of Sasuke's hair as a crowd watched. In the stands Kakashi yelled "Take it off!" and other admittably odd things.

At Sasuke's house, "Who the hell shaved my pubes,".

"I will catch you Naruto!"

"Why the hell are you here?"

"Well, I was chasing Naruto, then I kind of got lost soooo BEWARE!"

"I swear to god, this anime gets weirder every day.


	4. Chapter 4

Sasuke walked down the street extremely pissed off by everyone as usual. A mime started to imitate him. "You just crossed the fucking line you bastard mime!". He took a kunai out and disemboweled him, then stuck him in a REAL glass box. Then some people started to dance around him and yelled "You Got Served!" Sasuke's eye twitched involuntarily. It began to rain blood, does it ever even rain water there anymore? Anyway, Sasuke walked home, feeling better, and witnessed what appeared to be Rock Lee's hand glued to Jennifer Lopez's butt! "Jesus Christ, can there ever be anything normal around here?" J-lo farted and Lee's arm was stretching out, while Neji threw Akamaru at him.

"Hey, hey, hey," Kiba began, "Don't throw akeemortu at J-lo, I'll kill you!" He swung at him but tripped and fell and his beer spilled all over the ground. "Noooooooo, my flipel flapel."

If you can't tell he is very drunk.

Hours later after being stuck to J-Lo's ass, Rock Lee Joined up with WWE. Naruto walked in to watch rookies practice when Lee came up and hit him with a chair "Shizam bitch!"

"Owww, damn it Lee!"

"Woops, thought you were someone else."

"WHO THE HELL ELSE DO YOU KNOW WITH A YELLOW SPIKY AFRO AND A BRIGHT ORANGE JUMPSUIT"

"Well there is Spiky yellow afro having, orange jumpsuit wearing man". He pointed to someone who looked just like Naruto. Itachi burst out of his chest screaming "I WILL CATCH YOU NARUTO,"

"Why the hell are you chasing me?"

"Man, I don't even know anymore."

Several hours later… Putting down his cigarette, "And then I realized that clowns are dead inside," Itachi said as a clown held a gun to his own head. Naruto backed off out of a window. And landed on a soft patch of Gaara's sand.

"You're in my sand," Gaara said, "DIE" An explosion of sand surrounded Naruto and he was sent into a comatose state.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, you say we'll have to put him down?" Kakashi said 

"**Umm….no not at all" Said the doctor**

"**Don't worry, I'll do it!" proclaimed the spiky, silver-haired moron.**

"**Why, I said he's going to be fine" said the doctor**

"**YOU'VE GONE HYSTERICAL, MAN!" Screamed Kakashi continuously slapping the doctor. "I'm sorry Naruto, wait, no I'm not, I may just kill you then have the medical teams bring you back to life so I can kill you again!" Kakashi ripped the life support cord out of the wall, at this time he realized that Naruto had a beanie baby bouquet on a table near his bed, he ran full-speed and lifted the bouquet off of the table and jumped through the nearest window to meet his eminent end. Kiba and Akamaru just kinda….stood there, and Kiba, Obie Trice style poured some of his alcohol onto the ground. After he realized what he was doing, he jumped on the ground to retrieve some of it.**

**Miles away in a prison "Hey Mike, why is that Orochimaru guy in a cell by himself?"**

"**Well John he raped everyone in the entire prison, personally I'm afraid to bend over to pick up something with that damned tongue of his!"**

"**What's he doing now…..OMG IS HE RAPING HIMSELF?!?!?!"**

"**Hey Sasuke?" Sakura asked "You want to visit Naruto in intensive care today?"**

"**I can't I'm too busy hating everyone and trying to get my hair to do that flippy-thing like the drummer from My Chemical Romance does."**

"**Well I guess I'll go by myself then, see ya"**

"**Go to Hell." Sasuke slowly said when she was out of hearing range. **

"**Hello, I'm here to see Naruto, you know the one with the lines on his face, and somehow has blonde hair EVEN THOUGH WE ARE IN ASIA???"**

"**I'm sorry to say this, but he died earlier today." Claimed the receptionist.**

"**Oh, okay have a good day" Sakura chirped. **


	6. Chapter 666

"Wow, I can't believe Naruto is really dead," Lee said, "So, uh……where's the body at right now?" **cough**Necrophile**cough**

"In the dumpster behind 711," claimed Sasuke casually. "It's better that way," "We're getting another one tomorrow anyway"

"Crap," said Lee

The aforementioned day of tomorrow from the day before, when it was mentioned…

"So, what kind of shinobi are you looking for today" said the salesman.

"We need a Naruto, I guess," Said Kakashi

"awwwwwwwwww why can't we get a Gaara," said Sakura, "He's much stronger and so much more badass!"

"No, we need a Naruto, or the Canadians will become suspicious!" Kakashi said slapping her across the face. "THAT'S FOR UMM……… DOING WHATEVER THE HELL YOU DID!!!1one"

"Hey, which reminds me," Sakura said, "Didn't the author kill you last chapter?"

"Umm……..no."  
(author's note: Don't forget I can kill you off at any point in the story Oo)

"HOLY CRAP," Kakashi screamed, "DID YOU JUST FRIGGIN' READ THAT AUTHOR'S NOTE, SCREW THIS I'M TAKING HIS ASS TO COURT!" And then Nemesis appeared from RE3 and ripped his face off.

(How 'bout that bitch, )

Now, back to the story… "Well, we no longer carry Naruto in Japanese, so you'll have to settle for an American version"

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem, I'll take it," Sakura proclaimed.

"I'll just get 'er started up." The portly shinobi salesman quipped. He opened a closet and screamed "GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW OR YOU'LL END UP WITH A CROWBAR DENT IN YOUR HEAD LIKE YOUR FRIEND THERE!" A frightened Naruto stepped out and said "Hey Sakura, BELIEVE IT!!!!"

"Umm…what the hell was that?"

"That was a supercool catchphrase that is now included in every model" The salesman yelled over the loud "BELIEVE IT" 'S

"Oh crap." Sakura said.


End file.
